The Question

I got out of my car, my pants about two sizes too big (laundry is hard) disheveled from the day of work (I'm overly optimistic about my patients' abilities to hold the shower hose) and covered in cat hair (I stopped by my parents house after my doctor's appointment and carried around two cats for a bit) and greeted my husband with a tired hug and hello. He was outside carrying an old sink out to the curb and he rattled off a few things he wanted to work on outside.

Muttering about dinner, I went inside our house and began scrubbing potatoes. They were just properly scrubbed when I noticed my husband was now out in the backyard with a tree trimmer. He started sawing at some palm branches but stopped after a few minutes and stood at the base of the tree. I stabbed the potatoes, stuck them in the oven, and went over to the back sliding door to investigate.

He stated, "There's so much I want to do!"
I nodded in agreement. No matter how many hours we poured into this house, the end never seemed to be in sight.
"I don't know what to do next," he said, "There's just so much."
Again, I nodded in solidarity. We both had tons of projects we wanted to accomplish and not enough time to tackle them.
He looked up and thoughtfully asked, "What can I do right now that will make YOU happy?"
I was a little taken aback.
"What do you mean?"
"I want to do something that you want done. What can I do right now that will make you happy?" he asked again.
"You mean outside? Or inside?"
"Both," he shrugged.
My mind went to the unloaded dishwasher. The pile of unfolded laundry on the couch. The avocados I didn't have time to get down from our unusually tall avocado tree.  I spouted off a few things to him.
"Okay," he said, plain and simple.
I watched him walk towards the avocado tree, his first task.

My mind began to reel from that simple conversation that I'm sure he didn't think twice about: Had anyone ever asked me that question before? More importantly, had I ever asked my husband that question?

I did tasks I thought would him happy: making dinner, doing his laundry, baking his favorite snack, etc., but these were all things I assumed would bring him some sort of happiness. Had I ever taken time off from one of MY house projects to work on something HE would rather have done? Did I ever trade in one of my painting projects or organization tasks for something of his choosing? Could I?

So, here is my musing... what if people asked this question more regularly? What would marriage look like? I bet it would look nothing like the stereotypical TV show of bickering spouses and bitter wives.